Reflections on Letting Go

In the middle of the night I was awoken by a voice that I knew was coming from deep inside my body. The answer to a question I had been grappling with for a few days was suddenly clear. I had been sitting in the unknown of whether or not I should commit to a year long program of self discovery. I had always thought there was no question- I was a yes for sure! However, the past few days I felt a naggnig inside of me to rethink. For the past year, since reading Michael Singer’s book, the Surrender Experiment, I’ve said yes to may things, regardless of my personal preference, that turned out to be valuable growth experiences. Yes had served me well. Yes had taken me to delightful joys, spending a couple of days in Disney World with my family, a trip to the Upper Peninsula and Isle Royal National Park, a church sermon, a church committee assignment and many grand adventures with my older brother - just to mention a few. I was comfortable choosing yes and stepping into the mystery it held.

Something felt different this time. Although I wanted what I knew would come out of the program and I was willing to make the financial investment required I just didn’t know if the time required would be the best use of my time. In some way it didn’t feel aligned with my purpose. So I was stewing and swirling inside of indecision. I wanted the answer to come from within me, not advise from another. I recently learned that my human design works best if I sleep on a decision rather than make it too quickly.

I have been in contact with several people on the state side, no phone conversations but texting and reading comments on this site. Thank you! I feel deep support and concern from my family and friends. But my traveling companion on this Norway journey (me) had to be the one to listen to for this decision.

When she woke me with a “no” I was surprised and relieved. I felt strong and fresh. She also advised me to move on from where I was staying and get a change of scenery. My plan when I went to bed was to try again to hike to the cabin - or take another day of rest and set off on Tuesday to the cabin. So I ate a healthy breakfast, quickly stuffed all my belongings into my back pack, checked out and walked to the bus stop. The same blue eyed driver sold me a bus ticket and exercised caution driving back to the train station. Free range sheep, with bells on their necks, scampered out of the way and I took some photos of the hay stacks. Everyone (and every farm had them) made me break out in glorious smiles.

I called Entur to get a seat reserved and booked my Euro Rail trip to Åndalsnes.

Greta was right when she said I would get used to the weight in my backpack. My legs were grateful for the rest and my eyes were ready for incredible sights. Words can not adequately describe the overwhelming beauty that greeted me. I thought I had to go to the forest to lose my mind and find my soul but watching out the train window was an instant lose of mind. It was impossible to think, there was only space to observe and take it in.

Taking pictures seemed silly, as though I could capture the moment. The only thinking I did was to realize that life is happening one moment at a time and how critically important it is to let go of the prior moment to make space for the next one.

The train conductor got off at one point to help direct a hiker which way to start out.

It was only because we had stopped for a bit that I noticed this flower growing among the gravel and rails

Normally the train stops are about one minute long - you must be ready to get on and get off. They system runs very smoothly.

At the end of the line, I reached Åndalsnes. I had several instances of heavenly guidance to the most delightfully luxurious hotel that just happened to have space for me for one night. After a shower and doing a bit of laundry in the adorable tiny sink I went down for diner at the restaurant. I asked if I could stay two nights but unfortunately they were booked. The clerk said I could check again the morning, maybe there would be a cancellation. I employed my trust to be comfortable with the mystery, then slept on it. In the night some arrangements were made, I don’t need to know what they were, but after breakfast the desk manager said, “Yes, she left me a note. You can stay again.”

I rejoiced, they delighted in my joy and I explained what a more enjoyable day I would have walking about now that I can leave my backpack in the room. My room number, like my address at home, is 303.

I would like to add that immediately after I checked in last night I had my call with the program leader that I told no. Expecting resistance from her was so silly! (Lesson: expectation are a waste of time and energy robbers.) She fully supported my decision and said to me’ “I feel saying no has been healing ❤️‍🩹 for you,”