Lessons from a HEro.

I met a man, nearly 40, about the age of my sons. We had a mutual acquaintance who suggested we meet and we both trusted her encouragement, neither of us having any idea of why that would be a good use of our time. It was one of those conversations that I cherish, no small talk beginning, no what do you do or other trivial inconsequential questions. Immediately both of us freely shared who we are as human beings and what it is like for us to navigate that thrilling and challenging task.

We talked about the damages (making you feel as though you are flawed and need someone outside yourself to ‘save’ you) and the blessings (be reminded God loves you and you are safe in the care of the Divine you embody) of religion.

We discussed:

1. Empathy as a way to learn about someone and to mutually benefit one another.

2. The importance of grieving and letting go and the freedom to be found in both.

3. The hard work that is required to free yourself from what others have said to you so you can access your inherent joy.

4. Why do Disney movies always have good and evil? He told me about a Japanese series of deeply meaningful lessons -  Totoro. After all people aren’t good or evil, people are human with good days and bad days. Why distort the human condition?

5. The courage and importance of speaking up for yourself when it counts.

6. Deciding on when to share something based on your intention. If to scold, hold. If sharing could help more people, speak. For example I told him how my waitress in the hotel  brought me a map of the town when I asked her what to do here. He had suggested I take the gondolen (sky lift) to the top of the mountain and walk around up there.  If she knew what he knew she could help more hotel guests have a better experience. In the end, I resolved that it was not my place to train her, she did a lovely job serving me my meal and recommending  a wine to pair with it. She didn’t need me interfering, I respect her journey.   

7. Listening to understand, rather than to push your own agenda.

8. I shared with him the radical idea I got from Melli O’Brien about mentally flipping off the ‘struggle switch’ that automatically turns on when faced with something difficult. The switch amplifies our angst and resistance, making whatever challenge we are facing seem so much harder. If able to flip it off and allow whatever we are feeling to surface, it is able to dissipate a bit quicker.

9. Allowing those old repressed feeling to surface is not fun. The ones we’ve repressed the longest are the worst feeling ones. It’s ugly allowing them their freedom.

10. With some people we can make a difference, help them see things in a new light. With others no amount of talking will effect them. Depending on our relationship with them, we can choose how far to go in a conversation.

11. Boundaries- and if establishing and enforcing personal boundaries is a gender specific issue. I think not. We agreed it’s very hard to say no when you’ve been a yes person for so many years. I suggested that boundaries is more about saying YES to yourself. I shared that I have discovered when I prioritize saying YES to me, I have more more capacity to assist others in living their own lives more fully.  Breaking codependent bonds with someone we’ve had a long term relationship with doesn’t mean we love them any less it only allows us to free our vibrational energy to soar (and probably theirs also.)    

Meeting my Norwegian HEro cemented in my resolve that I want to be open to serve humanity with equality. We are stepping into a new paradigm. No more domination of either gender. Embody empathy, share when asked with good intention, and love your life, no matter how messy.

One if the gifts I learned from this precious man is that it’s  likely more helpful if I just say “I don’t know” or “maybe” instead of confusing things and people with my ignorant (fondly speaking ) opinions. and even more importantly, I’ll become a more empathetic listener.

My dear friend, one of my many HEros, although my spiritual journey has been forty years, yours twenty, please know I am no wiser than you about anything other than my life. No one knows more about me than me, no one knows more about you than you. Thank you for your kindness and for sharing with me. You changed me. I wish you peace, good health and great joy! In the silence you will hear your sacred Self speak to you, gently, softly, tenderly and lovingly.